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Sarah Michelle Gellar 'used to be a man'

Written by: Sean the Irish Bastard Published on: 17 Apr 2000

Medical documents supposedly leaked from a Hospital in Miami are at the centre of claims by a anonymous source that Sarah Michelle Gellar, star of TV’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer used to be a man. The two page report, sent to Dougie B at our US headquarters, claims that the actress was born Michael Gellar in New York in 1967, (not 1977 as widely believed).

Gellar is said to have “done a reverse Hilary Swank in the 80s and early 90s”, taking female acting roles while still armed with a skin pistol. The report gives details of a five year programme of psychological and hormonal treatment lasting from August 1989 to November 1994, after which Gellar then would have had to had lived as awoman for a further two years before the “final cut” could be made.

A full sex-change operation is said to have been completed in 1996, less than a year before landing the Buffy role. Gellar’s agent told Dougie B “these allegations about Sarah’s past are totally false”. However, he was unable to refute the evidence to the contrary dragged up by Dougie B:

Firstly, a birth certificate in the name of Michael Philip Gellar which matched the actresses perfectly except for name, sex and year of birth. Secondly, there were no census records for Miss Gellar until the most recent, compiled earlier this year (where she appears in place of Michael Philip Gellar, listed in the previous three surveys). And thirdly, she can throw a cricket ball properly. Presumably, this, as well as the associated non-girly combat techniques are what got her cast as Buffy in the first place.

1996 - Time for a shave

Further to this, Dougie approached Alyson Hannigan, who plays Willow Rosenberg in the cult show and pumped her for more information. Posing as an autograph-hunting fan, Dougie asked her about Gellar, and it transpires she is a bit of a soccer fan. Hannigan said that Gellar even understood the offside rule. Dougie then asked Hannigan “back to his place” and got a swift kick in the groin.

All this is bad news to the five-knuckle shufflers who idolise Gellar’s form. Kansas city viewer Jon, 14 said of the revelations “it’s put me off my rhythm a bit, man. I mean, geez!” Rich, 20, from Pittsburgh added “Whoa dude! No wonder she’s never done Playboy!”. However 17-year old Chip from Idaho told us “well, she looks great now, what the hell! Could you guys please excuse me?”

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